What kind of legacy am I leaving on these posts?
It would be so easy to start complaining right now; the later it gets, the more my mind zooms in on all that went wrong, all that I missed, all that I regret.
But instead, I think I’ll stop and remember what a good day it was.
I woke up this morning–I mean c’mon, there are a lot of people who don’t even have that blessing–on the campus of my super Catholic, super awesome, super friendly college, and started the day with music and musicals. I ate, drank, walked, lounged; I went to my first Lord’s Day as an intent to the household I have come to love, hung out with dear friends while I wrestled with Origen and sipped soda, then joined my household brothers again for a fantastic movie, walked (just walked, how fantastic, seriously!) with my big, and came home to chilling with other wonderful friends and praying together.
There were so many blessings today. Just stopping and thinking about them is a far better exercise than venting all my complaints; especially because, when stacked against the blessings God showered on me, all the pain, no matter how much it tears at my gut, seems…petty in comparison. Not that they’re not there, just that I don’t give them more attention than I need to. The spiral doesn’t have a chance to work, because it’s just a spinning top in my hand now, and not a swirling black hole. It still doesn’t sit right, but it doesn’t crush me. Humble gratitude makes things seem a little more manageable, sometimes a lot more manageable.
So thanks God for today, even though sometimes I screwed up royally and had things royally screwed up for me. Thanks for making me realize that when it comes to blessings versus complaints, they’re not really even on the same scale, and things are gonna be ok, even when I can’t see it like I do now.
Just thanks, God.